Is that you Comeuppance? Come in, take a seat!

My cousin Caroline just called. She said to me, do you remember that horrible guy you went out with when we were about 18 or 19, you know the one. You bought him a gold ring for Christmas and he pawned it and you cried for weeks. I said oh yes, I remember, he smelt of body odour and everyone warned me about him because he was a thief, but I carried on seeing him because I was so green and naïve back then. I was as green as the grass at Battersea Park. She said yes, that’s right. She said I've just heard that he’s been sent to prison. Well Caroline, I said, good… best place for him, that snake. I hope he rots in there. I hope he serves 100 years. That’s what you get when you pawn people’s rings and act like a prick.

I’m not bitter!