Magic Knickers also known as Hallelujah Drawers

They're not magic. They're masses of elastic or elastane or Lycra or all of the above - all bound up in a contraption made to kill you.

They're so tight that you can barely breath. I guess one good thing it does is when you eat, because your whole stomach is bound like a mummy, you feel full really quickly. I ate a bread roll when I was out for dinner last week and within minutes, a little lump was protruding from beneath my dress like an egg-shaped mound.

When I was walking out of the restaurant to my car, I started to get breathless. The thing was so tight around my diaphragm that I started suffering from 50% lung function.

When I removed the suffocator, or should I say when I burst out of it, I had welts down my sides where the stitching was pressing into my ample flesh. I must say, while wearing the Magic Knickers, my side profile looked pretty cute.