Hey Sexy Mama!
I called my mum this morning and she was moaning about not being called every day by her children and no one would ever know if she were dead or alive. Well I beg to differ because my dad's always at home and I'm sure he'd notice if she was slumped on the living room floor clutching at her heart.
During the conversation, I got roped into us going on a shopping trip. Me and my mum are not ideal shopping partners. We're both indecisive so it's one long frustrating drama of "do you like this", "shall I buy that", "was the other one better", "is £34.99 too expensive". Plus the weather's freezing at the moment so I wasn't happy about going shopping at all. But I had to, she's my mother.
After we walked the length and breadth of the High Street, we got back to the car-park and some men approached me to see if I wanted my car washed.
When I said no, one of them then turned to my mum and said hey sweet mama! Well I could have sworn my mum flicked her braids back and fluttered her eyelashes and licked her lips and before I knew it, the car wash man and my mum were flirting. He was asking when last she went on a date and if anyone would mind if they exchanged numbers. Well I sat in the car, surly like a child and then held my hand on the horn. A few seconds later, my mum appeared all flustered and giggly and then put her mother-hat back on and said "how rude, don't you dare rush me, I gave you life, not the other way around".
I didn't know how to feel. I was all confused. I've never in my whole life seen my mother being chatted up! And she loved it. Well I guess she's not just a mum and wife, she's also a woman and we all know women love compliments, that's how most of us get pregnant. All a man has to say is you've got a lovely smile and 9 months later, we're breast feeding.
When I got to my mum and dad's house, my dad was sitting in the armchair watching Deal or No Deal! When my mum took her coat off, she was wearing a sheer blouse, lacy bra, jeans and ankle boots. Who's this sex kitten I thought. Even worse was to come. I was horrified when my mum took off her boots and her toe nails were painted pink with silver air brushing and diamante stones. Does she not know she's a pensioner?
My dad better wake up because it looks like Mrs Mayfield has found her mojo.
During the conversation, I got roped into us going on a shopping trip. Me and my mum are not ideal shopping partners. We're both indecisive so it's one long frustrating drama of "do you like this", "shall I buy that", "was the other one better", "is £34.99 too expensive". Plus the weather's freezing at the moment so I wasn't happy about going shopping at all. But I had to, she's my mother.
After we walked the length and breadth of the High Street, we got back to the car-park and some men approached me to see if I wanted my car washed.
When I said no, one of them then turned to my mum and said hey sweet mama! Well I could have sworn my mum flicked her braids back and fluttered her eyelashes and licked her lips and before I knew it, the car wash man and my mum were flirting. He was asking when last she went on a date and if anyone would mind if they exchanged numbers. Well I sat in the car, surly like a child and then held my hand on the horn. A few seconds later, my mum appeared all flustered and giggly and then put her mother-hat back on and said "how rude, don't you dare rush me, I gave you life, not the other way around". I didn't know how to feel. I was all confused. I've never in my whole life seen my mother being chatted up! And she loved it. Well I guess she's not just a mum and wife, she's also a woman and we all know women love compliments, that's how most of us get pregnant. All a man has to say is you've got a lovely smile and 9 months later, we're breast feeding.
When I got to my mum and dad's house, my dad was sitting in the armchair watching Deal or No Deal! When my mum took her coat off, she was wearing a sheer blouse, lacy bra, jeans and ankle boots. Who's this sex kitten I thought. Even worse was to come. I was horrified when my mum took off her boots and her toe nails were painted pink with silver air brushing and diamante stones. Does she not know she's a pensioner?
My dad better wake up because it looks like Mrs Mayfield has found her mojo.
posted by August Mayfield at
16:25
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