New Year's Resolution

Dear Universe

My resolution for 2011 is a big fat bank account

And a slim body

Please Dear Universe

Don't mix these two up

Like you did last year!

Happy New Year Everybody

Anyone for Shoes?

The August Mayfield Diaries

Care in the Community

At the bottom of the road where I live, there’s a wheelchair-bound man who suffered serious spinal injuries after a fall.

Shortly after his accident, his wife left with the children so for this reason, people in our area sometimes help with his shopping and running errands.

He’s part of the Care in the Community service so everyday a nurse and care worker pay him a visit. They make sure he’s looking after himself as much as possible and are responsible for keeping him fed and healthy.

Today, while Eddie was out, the care worker arrived with his meals but because Eddie was out, the carer left and didn’t think to leave his meal with one of the neighbours. My son’s friend was coming over to our house and saw Eddie outside his house in the wheelchair and Eddie asked Jason if he could help him get inside.

Jason attempted to push the door open but Eddie said it was locked and the key was under the seat of the wheelchair so Jason wrestled with Eddie and the wheelchair and retrieved the key to let Eddie in. Then Eddie asked Jason to go inside and get him something to eat and drink. Jason said he was apprehensive but felt he had no choice so he looked in the fridge and cupboards but couldn’t find anything that resembled a quick snack. So Jason asked Eddie if he had any bread, fruit or yogurt that would tide him over until the carer came back but there wasn’t anything that didn’t require cooking or defrosting!

In the meantime, Eddie told Jason to call the Community Care team because he was starving and the Community Care team told Jason to give Eddie anything he can lay his hands on and they’d be there in 15 minutes.

Jason then said to Eddie that he had a tin of chocolate biscuits and gave some to Eddie with a cup of coffee. About 10 minutes later, Eddie said he felt sick and thought that it might be the sugar in the biscuits. Eddie then declared that he’s a diabetic so asked Jason to give him his medication which might make him feel better. Jason said he wanted to cry when he was faced with 12 different bottles of pills and had to count out 1 from the blue bottle, 2 from the green bottle and 3 from the purple bottle! Jason said he was suspiciously thinking that Eddie wanted him to be responsible for his euthanasia.

45 minutes later, the Community Care Team and a nurse arrived. The nurse shouted at Jason and said how could you be so stupid to give a diabetic all that sugar and the carer shouted at Eddie for letting a ‘stranger’ into his home because he could have been robbed or killed!!

Needless to say, Jason left Eddie’s house fuming because he was just going about his business and was called upon for his assistance. He told my son later that the only reason he didn’t tell the nurse to go **** herself was because she was pretty.

Anyone for Shoes?

The August Mayfield Diaries

Skating Calf Rescued From Frozen Pond

I'm a real sucker for animal search and rescue news items. Especially when they turn out to be as successful as the video below.

The reason why I've got a dog is because he had no where to live. On top of that, the puppy kept following me around the house and made it obvious that he was completely in love with me so I had to keep him.

Thank God the puppy wasn't a calf otherwise I'd be in big trouble right now trying to control a cow in my back garden




Anyone for Shoes?

The August Mayfield Diaries

An August Moment

The difference between
poor people and rich people is easy.
The poor spend their money
and then save what’s left over;
the rich save their money
and then spend what’s left over.


Anyone for Shoes?

The August Mayfield Diaries

Soul Singer Teena Marie dies in her sleep, age 52

When it comes to the kind of music I love and the kind of songs that mean something to me, Teena Marie is high up there in the Augsut Mayfield Life Soundtrack.

Teena Marie's music reminds me of my coming-of-age. The years when I was too young to know who I was and not realising my journey of discovering who I am would involve the songs and music in my life at a time when I was too dumb to realise what it all meant.

I hope Teena Marie's soul is resting in peace.




Anyone for Shoes?

The August Mayfield Diaries

Relativity

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute,
and it seems like an hour.
Sit with a pretty girl for an hour,
and it seems like a minute!

THAT'S relativity.

ALBERT EINSTEIN


Anyone for Shoes?

The August Mayfield Diaries

Happy Boxing Day

Did you all have a Happy Christmas?

Thank God I had a very heart warming day yesterday.

As I get older, NOT OLDER, more mature, my priorities are changing for the better.

As time passes, I'm becoming more and more intuned with family, love and the importance of being grateful and thankful for small mercies.

So yesterday, I was grateful to spend the day with my family. Especially my children. It's not going to be very long before my sons start leading separate lives and have wives and children of their own and extend our family to places I can just about reach; so I was happy that my children wanted to spend the day from beginning to end with me.

I received the gift of music yesterday which always gives me pleasure. My youngest bought me Janelle Monáe's album which was a fabulous surprise because I didn't realise that he knew that she was on my Wish List.

So here's her video. Her music makes me feel happy!




Anyone for Shoes?

The August Mayfield Diaries

Merry Christmas!

Did Santa put you on his list for being naughty or nice?
I hope he's put my name down for a bit of both!!


Anyone for Shoes?

The August Mayfield Diaries

MySpace in John Witherspoon's Opinion

Anyone for Shoes?

The August Mayfield Diaries

Nokia Advert for the Loop Ap

I wish Nokia would make an Ap for surreptitiously transferring money from rich Bankers' off-shore accounts into my little High Street current account! I'd download that Ap in a heartbeat.



Anyone for Shoes?

The August Mayfield Diaries

An August Moment

A friend is

someone who has

the same enemies you have!

Anyone for Shoes?

The August Mayfield Diaries

The Postman always rings twice...

...and because I took three seconds too long to answer the second knock at the door, he decided to turn on his heels and walk away like no one's home.

I called him to come back when he was two doors down and I got the dirtiest look imaginable. The kind of look you save for a tramp who's begging for spare change at a cash-point.

Well of course I thought to myself what's that look all about? It's not like I'm waiting near the front door like a receptionist with my finger hovering over the entrance buzzer to let him in. I was minding my own business, pottering around the house in my dressing gown.

But this Postman looked me up and down and then kept his stare directly on my eyes as if he wanted to punch me in the face and then he shoved my package at me like I called his mum an ole dirty b*tch.

To be honest with you, I think he was jealous. Jealous because I was still in my dressing gown at 12 noon and he'd been carting around other people's mail from probably six o'clock in the morning.

On top of that, it was snowing. There's nothing worse than working outdoors in the snow then to see people exiting from their warm toasty houses, wrapped up in their pink towelling dressing gown and leopard print slippers so I guess I can almost understand that he was green with envy, wishing he was sat in my house with a hot cup of tea, some biscuits and a pair of warm cosy slippers of his own.

But no, I didn't like the dirty look he gave me when he delivered my package which so happened to be the book I've been waiting for from Amazon called Women Who Run With the Wolves!!

He better be scared of me when I've finished reading the book that's all about contacting the power of the wild woman within! I don't even want to think about the woman I'll become after I contact my wild side. So watch out Mr Postman, I've book-marked a place on my doorstep just for you!

Anyone for Shoes?

The August Mayfield Diaries

An August Moment

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It’s our light, not out darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves: who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you NOT to be?
You are a child of the universe.
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
There is nothing enlightening about shrinking,
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are born to make manifest the glory of the universe
that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
And as we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

MARIANNE WILLIAMSON

The August Mayfield Diaries

Anyone for Shoes?

And she said...

...you dirty mother*****!!!



What a hell of a fun-fair ride. I hope this wasn't their first date, because if it was, it's going to be their last.

Yuck, yuckety-yuck-yuck.

Anyone for Shoes?

The August Mayfield Diaries

Model's Hair Catches Fire at P. Diddy's Party

P Diddy threw a party to celebrate the release of his new album 'Last Train to Paris'.

Now we all know that a party isn't a P Diddy party if there are no bikini wearing models there.

I'm not going to stereo type and say all models are dumb, that's just narrow-minded. But what I will say is this particular model was as dumb as a box of dirt. Why? Because every woman knows that you can't sit too close to a candle with your hair styled like a lion's mane with ozone murdering amounts of product in it.

So while sitting in a bathtub (don't ask me why the model didn't wash at home), the model 's hair touched a flame and then whoosh!! She was up in smoke.

She's fine though... why wouldn't she be? She was sat up to her chest in bath-water!

Anyone for Shoes?

The August Mayfield Diaries

Don't think about it, JUST DO IT

I've been trying to get into the habit of being good, kind and charitable recently but sadly, it's proving to be quite difficult for me. Being a good person really isn't too much to ask for so it's a little bit shameful to have to admit that it's going to take a lot of concentration and practice.

I thought I'd try out my new "good & kind" skills today when I went to Tesco's Supermarket. I saw the perfect opportunity; a charity worker shaking a money jar for donations. "Cool", I said to myself - pure fate!! I'll give her some money when I finish my shopping but as I was leaving, she didn't shake her money jar at me so I didn't offer the money I had in my tight fist. I started walking towards the car park having escaped handing over my spare change when the money I had in my hand fell on the floor and rolled into the drain! The money didn't even have the decency to fall on the pavement where I could pick it up. Down the bl**dy drain.

BUT WHAT A LESSON!

I re-negotiated my generosity of spirit deal and because of that, no one got the money.

Instead of thinking about being good, I should have just done it. I should have offered without being asked. I lost the money and now no one's richer.

I knew I wanted to give money, but because no one else knew, I didn't have to commit myself. But I know in my heart that the Universe felt it needed to speak to me in obvious terms.

Anyone for Shoes?

The August Mayfield Diaries

An August Moment

There’s no such thing as bad weather...



...only the wrong clothes!

Billy Connolly

Anyone for Shoes?

The August Mayfield Diaries

Christmas Flash Mob!

I love it when flash mobs turn up at an arranged events and start singing and dancing out of the blue. Well it's out of the blue for the unsuspecting general public, not for the flash mobbers.



Anyone for Shoes?

The August Mayfield Diaries

The August Mayfield Diaries

Oh What a Shame, She'll Be Sorely Missed

At my parents' house the other day, I was sitting at my mother's dressing table brushing my hair. While I was looking in the mirror, I started to repeat the words, oh no, what a shame. She'll be sorely missed and then I made a sad face. I said this about five times and as I turned around, I saw my mum standing there frowning and then she said what the devil are you doing? Have you gone crazy?

Read more...

The August Mayfield Diaries

Anyone for Shoes?

Baby Panda's being cared for by Pretend Mums and Dads!

Would you believe it! Chinese scientists at Wolong Panda Reserve in China are dressing up in panda costumes to help prepare captive-born cubs to live in the wild.

The conservationists at the Wolong Centre want to make sure that the panda cubs have as little contact with humans as possible. So what do they do? They dress up as panda's to illiminate excessive human contact.



The Panda researchers are working hard to reintroduce giant pandas into the wild within 15 years, after successfully breeding them in captivity.

That story warms my heart!

Anyone for Shoes?

The August Mayfield Diaries