Naked Yoga

This is a strange concept.

Your yoga instructor goes naked for "holistic" purposes! Oh Really?



Personally, I can't think of anything more frightening. The positions in yoga call for laying on the floor, legs akimbo, squatting and bottoms in the air. I would find it incredibly off-putting and even a little scary to have my instructor's dongle dangling away while I'm trying to concentrate on the concept of a powerful mind, body and soul experience.



I guess you'd hardly find it surprising that the naked yoga instructor belongs to Kim and Kourtney Kardashian and he appears in their new TV series Kourtney & Kim Take New York.

Anyone for Shoes?

The August Mayfield Diaries

Is he shutting himself in or shutting me out?

Mum can I put a lock on my door please?

These are the words my son said to me yesterday and it took every muscle in my body to keep me upright and not throw myself down on the ground screaming "what did I do to you and what have I done to deserve this"? And if I've never told you before that I'm a drama queen, I'm telling you now: I'M A DRAMA QUEEN and throwing myself down on the ground asking Jesus to take me NOW is a regular occurence!

When I spoke to my sister Sheba about this door locking business she said to me "well at least he asked". She said something about her daughters pushing their dressing tables or chest of drawers against the door which I'd probably find as equally offensive.

But what does this really mean? What's he going to be doing in there that warrants keeping me out? Worst still, what will his friends be doing in there too? On top of that, what will his girlfriend be doing in there or more to the point, what will he be doing to his girlfriend? I'm too young to be a grandma!

He's 18 and entitled to privacy but I'm so not ready. When I was about his age, I know what happened behind locked doors and it wasn't pretty and it was never, ever anything that my parents would have been proud of. Even as an adult, I need taming and it's difficult for me to exercise self control and restraint. But as a teenager, if my heart wasn't racing, I wasn't having fun. If I wasn't hyperventilating over something, life was boooooooring! If I wasn't screaming with pleasure or pain, I was asleep. My waking moments were simply to have pure, unadulterated fun and my parents would have disapproved of every single second of my heart-attack inducing lifestyle. Now I'm my parents with knobs on. I'm the alcohol police, the spliff hunter, the condom purchaser, the phone spy and a complete hypocrite.

In terms of this lock the boy's after, I thought I'd throw a spanner in the works when I said "if you get a lock, then I'm getting a lock and you'll never ever be able to rummage through my drawers and use my things when I'm not home" and he replied COOL!

Anyone for Shoes?

The August Mayfield Diaries

When I grow up, I want to be Judge Judy

A monstrous teenaged trickster thought that she could pull the wool over overbody's eyes but sadly, she's not as smart as she thinks she is.

Or as Judge Judy says on your best day, you're not as smart as me on my worst day!

All I can say about the following video is young men, beware of young ladies parading as sweet things because you just might meet one of those defective specimen who are evil, wicked, dangerous Jezebels who suck in your sperm and spew out your sporn.



Anyone for Shoes?

The August Mayfield Diaries

If it's wrong, I don't want to be right!

I've got a thing for rugby players. Well this came out last night when I was talking to my friends about a male "type". We got into an argument because I said I didn't have a type, not physically anyway. But they insisted that everyone has a type so when I thought about it, I confessed to having a real thing about rugby players and seeing them in action makes my knees tremble and sends butterflies floating around my stomach.

Once I started, I couldn't stop and spoke passionately about their build, their strength, their passion for the game and their love and loyalty to their team.

My mates couldn't shut me up. I was on a roll. I was gushing about broken noses, shattered cheek bones, black eyes and cauliflower ears. I said the nurturer in me likes to heal a broken man. Not a nutcase who's broken in the head; I have a thing for broken men with cuts and bruises.

Most rugby players after a vigorous game look hard and masculine. My favourite descriptive words for a man. You know, like he's just been brawling. Yum-yum! I don't know who dropped me on my head as a child or what this means psychology but the sight of a rugby player makes me hot like pepper!



Anyone for Shoes?

The August Mayfield Diaries